Surrendering my dreams
The chaos has gradually been transformed into order - my kitchen is clean, my laundry is away, and I have caught up on a lot of R&R. As life goes on, there is still so much more to do, but not right now.
As a wise woman once said you *can* have (or do) it all, just not all at the same time.
I have to prioritize what is most important for today, and pace myself in order to reach all my goals. I need to surrender my dreams and stay in the present moment. This requires trust that everything right for me will come to fruition as it is meant to, even if it is not happening how or when I want it to happen.
For example, wanting to create a family with someone is something I've been sitting with for over a decade. By 25, I felt I had done enough living and exploring for myself that I was ready to raise children. Here I am tipping past my mid-thirties no closer to this than I was a decade ago. I have so much to give, and it is physically painful for me sometimes to have no children or partner to give to. I have friends who cherish living alone and being single and unattached, but that is not in my nature. I am a family oriented being, and I struggle with loneliness and grief about this on a regular basis.
And yet, what else can I do?
I work through things like Calling in the the One, go on dates with people from eHarmony, attend singles events, ask my friends and family to introduce me to someone they think I'll click with, and even pursuing an MBA right now is all part of my process of creating the family life I want. With the MBA comes more knowledge, skills and effectiveness in business that I hope will translate into more income so I can get a bigger apartment or condo of my own and become a foster parent while I wait to meet the person I will share my life with.
And despite all this hard work, what I have wanted for more than a decade has not come to pass yet. What else can I do but surrender these dreams to a higher power and have faith that all is as it is meant to be?
Last night, as I was contemplating what to write today, I was remembering when my dear friend Nessa from Sisters in Celebration first started talking about surrendering from a spiritual perspective. I had no idea what she was talking about at first, and it wasn't until years later that I really got it and was able to incorporate this concept into my own spiritual practice.
If you look up the definition of surrender, there are some uses which feel pretty negative like to deliver up the possession of something to someone else under duress such as to surrender the fort to an enemy or to give oneself up, as to the police or simply to give up.
But looking more closely, surrender also means to give oneself up to some influence and to yield to the power of another. If that influence and power is a spiritual influence or higher power, and what you are giving up is the sadness, grief, anger, frustration etc.. that comes along with your attachment to what you want, surrender becomes quite liberating.
Surrender in this way brings you acceptance, peace, and freedom from feeling bad that you do not have what you want. It helps you shift into a place of gratitude for what you *do* have in your life, and if you get really good at surrendering even joy can bubble up from your new perspective.
I'll admit, it is a paradox. Surrendering and letting go of what we want is often the most direct path to attracting or manifesting in our lives. I think that this happens because we are no longer holding on too tightly to wanting our lives to look one specific way, and instead, we open up to possibilities which may be even better than what we could have imagined.
Surrender allows you to stay open to what is happening in the present moment, and it allows you to receive the opportunities and gifts that appear in your life even if they are not what you originally wanted or expected.
I'm not saying it's easy to surrender your dreams, but with mastery, I find it is more pleasant to be in a place of surrender than in a place of disappointment and pain.
Are there any hopes, dreams, desires in your life causing you pain that you can surrender today?